The First parent by Bill Cosby Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God‘s omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don‘t." "Don‘t what?", Adam replied. "Don‘t eat the forbidden fruit." "Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" "It‘s over there," said God, wondering why He hadn‘t stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry. "Didn‘t I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Adam answered. God‘s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven‘t taken it, don‘t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife‘s stomach with indelible ink.The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.‘ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.‘" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"
The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.Then she inquired what I did for a living.I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there‘s anything you want to know, just ask me."
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren.She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren."Oh, I‘ve done all the talking, and I‘m so sorry.I know you certainly have something to say.please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue‘ and ‘A Love Supreme‘?" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired. "I don‘t think so," replied the man, "but it‘s as close as I want to get."
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?Father: Ok ask.Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.Father: !!!??????!!!
Great truths about life that adults have learnedRaising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.There is always alot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I‘m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don‘t hurt.One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires. Families are like fudge....mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Today‘s mighty oak is just yesterday‘s nut that held its ground. Laughing helps. It‘s like jogging on the inside. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. If you can remain calm, you just don‘t have all the facts.
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
