OLD pOSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zipOLD pRINTERS never die, they‘re just not the typeOLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte itOLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompileOLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with lifeOLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bitsOLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory OLD pROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addressesOLD pROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurseOLD pROpANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gasOLD pROSITUTES never die, they just fake away...OLD pUNTERS never die, they just go horseOLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass awayOLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to piecesOLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover
OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their classOLD TELEpHONES never die, they just stop ringingOLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state -- of maximum entropyOLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get puncturedOLD TRASH never dies, they just bury itOLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identitiesOLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away...OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new peterbiltOLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on NickelodeonOLD TV SOAp STARS never die, they become patheticOLD GOAL UMpIRES never die, they just get flagged down -- umpires as in Australian Rules FootballOLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsiveOLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don‘t come backOLD VIOLINISTS never die - they just become unstrung.OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering
OLD WANTS never die, they become needsOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of timeOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwindOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind downOLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign foreverOLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorgedOLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballedOLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their gripOLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel overWALT DISNEY didn‘t die, he‘s in suspended animationThere is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -- but their future is doubtful
Recently seen on a card...Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us...Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lighting them!
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."patient: "OH NO! That‘s awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer‘s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain‘t it?""No," the second man replied, "It‘s Thursday."And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let‘s have a coke."
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn‘t help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.""Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You‘re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven‘t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I‘ve changed my will three times!"
You Know You Live In San Francisco When ...Your co-worker tells you s/he have 8 body piercings but none are visible.When someone says TENDERLOIN - you don‘t think of steak. You think of danger.You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.A really great parking space can move you to tears.You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting from Ohio.Your child‘s 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can‘t decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational mandarin or a building your own web site class.You haven‘t been to Fisherman‘s Wharf since the first month you moved to SF, and you couldn‘t figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don‘t notice.You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.You keep a list of companies to boycott.
Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in paris? A: He was declared to be in Seine. ------------------------------------------------------------Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door. "God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France." "Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?" "Because that‘s what I wrote in my geography test!" --------------------------------------------------------------What is the Guillotine? A French chopping centre. -------------------------------------------------------------Which ghost was president of France? Charles de Ghoul. ---------------------------------------------------------------First witch: I‘m going to France tomorrow. Second witch: Are you going by broom? First witch: No, by hoovercraft.
